i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
