I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
