Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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