I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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