sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
