Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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