I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
