Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
