I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
