I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
