I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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