Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
