I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Yo dont text me then not text me
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
