i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize