my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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