Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Sorry my hands just texted you
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
