oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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