So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
