I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
