All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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