The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
