Well douche your snatch and let's go!
it was like his penis was on wheels.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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