On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
