My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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