Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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