The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I AM VODKA MAN
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
