And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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