YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
