I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
