wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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