I am in a vortex of obligation.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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