Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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