Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"