she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You ate ashes out of my bong