I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.