So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
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i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
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So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.