my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear