When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
