he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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