when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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