Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
