the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
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I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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