it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
