She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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