i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
