Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
