When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
