so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
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God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
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I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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