she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
