im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i just google imaged poop.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
