I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Randomize