im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Randomize
