Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
