do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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