i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
