So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize