Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
