Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
