how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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