I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
