just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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