never play flip cup with pint glasses
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
