dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
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I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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