Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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