they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
