are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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