Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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