Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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