My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
