Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
