literally had 100 drinks last night.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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