what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
