Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
