was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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